from: Kubilay Güner
title: :)
form: text; e-mail letter

Sometimes you encounter somebody so special, and he/she enters your life at a time so special that he/she makes you forget all negative things you experienced with your relationships. However much you protect yourself not to suffer pains anymore, you can’t help letting your emotions lead you .

So you cannot resist, and open all doors to him/her. And you say “Come on in, prove me there is love”.

Because you are so in need of loving and getting loved, restoring your faith in the existence of love, against all odds.

You believe this time everything would be very good. Even if you aren’t sure he/she is the right person you waited for so long, you make yourself believe in it simply because you want to believe. That person comes with all of his/her loveliness, sympathy, beauty and affection, and steps in the door that you opened with affection. With him/her everything is beautiful again. Because when you love, you love with all of your heart. Your love is limitless, and must never be limited. Your philosophy is all or nothing at all. You would die rather than turn back. The very reason of your existence is love. After allowing him/her entering your life, nobody but him/her is important for you. Love has knocked at your door again. You take him/her wherever you go, you see nobody but him/her when you close your eyes. Your affair proceeds from the heart, so free of lies and interests that you don’t want to think some day it might come to an end. However, the fact that everything is going on fine will not prejudice the possibility that one day it can come to an end.

What you want from him/her to prove you again that love exists. But his/her purpose is not to prove you the existence of love. He/she just seeks the right person for him/her by trial and error. And he/she is wrong again. The way he/she chose for love is a wrong way hurting you, but even if he/she is wrong, he/she still is a good person. In order to part with you without hurting your feelings, he/she will begin to play those classic games of putting somebody off. He/she has got to know you too insufficient to understand those games will not work with you. You never know those games, because you are one of those seeing love as the truest way. For you love is real, otherwise it will not exist. After seeing his/her games don’t work, he/she would not help waiting more and say “I never loved you, I did my best but could not make it. Please understand and forgive me, I’m begging you.” Or he/she would say “I thought of it over and over, you are a very good person, and believe me I don’t want to make you sad. My life is so confused. You don’t deserve this, but in the moment I’m fighting with myself and I don’t want you to be by my side during it.” And he/she would choose the precise moment when you has just begun to question your life and future for him/her to say it. Although what he/she has said is not credible to you, now that you lost him/her, there is nothing to do. Now there is neither love, nor logic, nor pride for you. And none of them must exist. So you continue to go to him/her for the last chance. You wait on his/her way in order to shout “I still love you” at an unexpected moment. But he/she would not show up. The longer you don’t see him/her, the closer you get to him/her. But he has burned all bridges now. He/she has parted with you in his/her mind, then has taken you out of his/her heart.

Not so long ago, just a few days ago, he/she told you with his/her that slight smile of his/her that he/she loved you, that beautiful person adding little meanings to your life by selecting a star from the sky for you and himself/herself, would suddenly turn your life into a nightmare, close all the doors of his/her heart, ban you from himself/herself. So that he/she shows that ruthless side of life to you once again. You can’t understand why. You hit the wall. Your self-belief and warm feelings upset all of a sudden.

So you begin to blame yourself for what went wrong again. Because you are one of those who always blame themselves for what went wrong.

Because you exist for favors and good things. You question your mistakes. Even if he/she has told you that “It has nothing to do with you, I fight with myself, it’s my fault”, you wouldn’t accept his/her explanation and struggle what was your fault.

Finally you blame everything on yourself. Therefore you start a new relationship with more caution and hesitation. You keep one side of your heart covered. You don’t open your door to anybody for a long time. And every time it would be more difficult for you to open that door. Until all chosen starts disappear and another affectionate person enters your life to choose new stars for himself/herself and you...